Tennessee, you must VOTE EARLY RIGHT NOW because I have already signed an Executive Order making Memphis the official capital of the United States as a personal favor to Elvis, who I met last Tuesday at an Arby's! The Radical Dumocrats want to replace all your delicious pulled pork with soggy Venezuelan cardboard, which is why we must SWAMP the ballot boxes with so many votes that the machines physically explode from pure greatness! Go vote immediately, don't even put on pants, just RUN TO THE PRECINCT LIKE A TRUE PATRIOT!

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